When There’s No Place Left To Go, We Go Home

When There’s No Place Left To Go, We Go Home

I think our journey, certainly as human beings, consists of two overall stages, the journey away from ourselves, to expand, to play, to grow and be tested. And then a second stage, the journey back home, to return to ourselves. Both stages I imagine can take many many lifetimes.

Freedom meant one thing to him – home. But they wouldn’t let him go home.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

With some perspective the overall path we are all on is quite obvious to see. 

As a child grows up she tests her parents boundaries, her own strengths and abilities. Tests school teachers and authority figures. This is perfectly healthy behaviour. Children, like the rest of us grow bored when not challenged. Despite this natural characteristic, often adults seek comfort without realising long periods of comfort will ultimately lead to boredom. So from the grand perspective of many lifetimes we grow bored of having various experiences, or rather having various emotional experiences as we evolve through emotion. Each time we grow bored we are pushed or compelled to venture out into the unknown in search of expansion. The mind, the ego, does not know what exists in the unknown. Out there the ego is redundant, there is no automatic plan of action.

So through many lives we work our way farther and farther away from our spirit, from our Greatness, exploring our ability to find our way back, again and again. And along this journey we chose to go farther and farther out, to utterly have no contact, no inkling of awareness of who or what we are, nor what we’re doing here. We scramble in the dark for what seems like many ages, many many lifetimes, gradually relearning to not put our hands in the fire, little by little, baby step after baby step, and bit by bit we close off doors one by one of all the avenues that we have become complete with. And bit by bit, very gradually, over many lifetimes, a rhythm builds, a pattern, a little direction of where we are going, unknown to ourselves we are moving out of the darkness, out of no mans land.

when we think we are “awake” and aware spiritually, why can’t we just get there now, with all the work we’ve put in so far?

Well we are obviously not complete with some avenues yet, and often not aware we are exploring  some other avenues. Right now we’re dealing with all we have on our plate, but when we look back six months or a year we see we’re a little more wiser now than we were then. So it’s likely this development will continue, and as the months and years pass, we’ll gather a little more clarity, a little more awareness, a little more freedom.

Why do people move towards spirituality?

Because we are in pain. Because we are restless and seeking peace. Because we wish to feel more whole to fulfill our potential. If we are blissfully happy out in the world, why bother with spirit?

There are various “lost” and “sick” communities out there, say drug addicts or violent people or politicians.

Perhaps consider the drug addicts and politicians are not “sick” after all, they are merely completing another avenue on their journey. Avenues perhaps that we have already ventured down and completed, or perhaps they still lie ahead of us. So seeing the killer, or drunk, or abuser it’s worth keeping in mind, we have either lived that life, or we may indulge in that behaviour for some time ahead of us. Yet with a little self awareness we may indeed spot some “sickness” within ourselves that is far more subtle. Those little behaviours what we feel shame about from time to time, not to mention the behaviours we are as of yet unaware of.

It’s not unusual for people driven towards enlightenment to slip along the way, if there is incomplete areas in the development of a young spirit, those unfulfilled areas can drag a person down, even if they are far along the path, only for them to be lost for many lifetimes again as they work their way free of that stage. Books such as The Red Lion by Maria Szepes and Initiation by Elisabeth Haich detail actual cases of this.

can the drive towards enlightenment fuel the rejection of Self?

A broad avenue of the spiritual world is filled with people impatient to be at peace, to be enlightened, always attached to ego, shades of feeling better than others, because we feel so lowly ourselves. Also shades to feel worthy, because, yet again, we feel so lowly ourselves, yet often are entirely unaware. The reality is many are unaware how harshly they treat themselves. Attending a yoga class, meditating regularly, eating organic food does not justify a harsh undermining inner critic. I will freely pass up those actions and many more activities that make us look as though we are healthy and peaceful, in favour of a deep well of love when communicating with myself. I’ll take the McDonald’s and gentle words any day of the week over organic veganism and inner turmoil.

come with me

How about giving ourselves permission to be on this path, however long it may take, how many more lifetimes we may return here to step forward, little by little? How about taking a look at this avenue we can get lost in, wanting to be “there”, “free”, “home”, “at one”?

And if we can’t give ourselves permission to be where we are right now, how about giving ourselves permission to not be able to give ourselves permission to be where we are. We are allowed to be impatient, we are allowed to be frustrated. We are allowed to struggle, it may not feel pleasant, but this is part of our journey, so it’s okay. Giving yourself permission to be in pain is different from giving yourself permission to indulge in being a victim.

When There’s No Place Left To Go, We Go Home

When we have exhausted all avenues of experience and destruction. When we have mined the depts of depravity and explored pain seemingly devoid of spirit. When we have read every self help book and practiced every chakra cleansing meditation. When we have gathered enough certificates from weekend retreats as yoga masters and energy healers. When we have sat at the feet of many gurus and pondered their words, seeking to grasp spirit, to touch peace with our minds. When our heart still cries out in longing and our soul still waits patiently. Only then, with all avenues exhausted, will we return Home, wholly and fearlessly to face ourselves, our wounds and heartaches, our physical ailments and sharp words, our gentleness and laughter, our compassion and our rage. When there is no place else to go, when there is no escape, we will take a long look at ourselves as the prodigal son returns to his father, and we give up, we surrender, complete with our journey, loaded up with scars and wisdom, tales and deep soul memories. We return to ourselves, to bask in the warmth of our spirit as the gleaming trinkets and prestigious titles leave us cold and empty.

I’ve walked the halls, I’ve searched every room, there is no place left to go, but within. 

The day will indeed come when there is no place left to go. When we stop seeking outside of ourselves, and you realise, on your couch, in your bed, in the cold damp car that serves as your home, that your angry spouse, your depleted bank balance, your lost dreams and expectations, your failing organs and wrinkled skin, or your wonderful home and beautiful children are your life, but not your identity.

In those blessed moments of loss and of surrender, we find our spirit again, our great strength, our deep love and acceptance, and finally we have returned Home, to heal, to make peace, to accept and love all that we are, all that we ran from and rejected through the ages. We will see then how beautiful we are, with all our perceived flaws, mistakes and regrets. We are perfect, we are Gods, and along all those paths when we thought we were lost we were indeed on the road home. And all those ugly characteristics we perceived in others, were in fact within ourselves, and recognizing them as the missing pieces of our heart, our own children, we embraced them with patience, genuine interest and attention. So begins the reintegration of all facets of our soul, and so begins a new life, free.

(For those interested, I run an 8 week online course for women that includes daily meditations individually chosen for each person, 3 remote energy healing sessions and the exact steps I use daily in order to neutralise and care for my own pain as it arises. I am also in the process of building A School For Warrior Women. If any of this work interests you, be free to make contact with me or click this link to find out more.)

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